Up Early, Up High

In Acrobatics class Friday night, Randi and I worked out a lot our routine. It's not the most amazing moves ever, but it is a lot of cool stuff, and it tells a story. Not terribly well at this point, but it's getting better every time we run through it. That night, I sat in the hot tub under the moon and realized that anything can be beautiful in moonlight.

The next day, Randi and I had to be up early so that the house could show. I hopped on my bike planning to go to the tasty French Cafe we'd gone to the morning before. I got there just in time to find Randi (who had driven) at the front of the line. She asked me if I wanted anything and graciously bought it for me. She then rushed off to work I went to hang out at the Plaza with Bob and Leslie. I couldn't stay long though because the All Cast Rehearsal started at noon.

The rehearsal went quite well actually, the show is looking good. We had a little snag/dis agreement about the ending number, but it mostly looks like one person really has the issue with it.

Afterward, I met up with Leslie, Bob and James and headed over to Sam and Dan's. We drank watermelon smoothie/juice, ate snacks, walked down to the arroyo where I took tons of pictures and slack lined (which I cooly avoided). We finally headed back to Bob and Leslie's to make dinner, which took a little longer because Sam and Dan didn't show up with the lentils until almost everything else was done. It was still delicious and nutritious.

Eventually, Bob, Leslie and I headed back over to Randi's and hung out in the hot tub under the stars for a bit, had a few drinks and hit the hay.

Today, I'll be heading over to the Railyard to get up high and stiltwalk around for a couple hours to entertain the kiddies for Father's Day. Hopefully they enjoy it.

Swim, Climb, Eat

Yesterday I went to a pool in Santa Fe for the first time. I was excited to be able to cool off and to liberate myself from the usual gravitational/non-buoyant state. The pool at Bicentennial was, however, not ideal. It was a pool, though only 5' deep at its deepest. It was nice to swim around. Soon after I got there, Avery arrived with her son and played in the warmer-than-the-adult-pool tot pool, which was a little concerning. It was indeed quite a cool off, almost too much. But, we couldn't stay long because we had training to get to at 5:30pm.

It was an aerial silk day for me and all of the fabric folk were supposed to show their routine or as much of it as they had. I felt really good about mine and got some very positive feedback, though I do still need to work on my interaction with the audience and "transformation", which is hard because when I climb I like to be internal and focused on what I'm doing, not on the crowd. But, it will be a good thing for me to work on and get better at.

Afterward, Randi and her boyfriend took me out to a nice salad place for dinner and then we attempted to work out some of our acro routine, but didn't do too much on account of our full stomachs and that I was going to meet a friend, Rob, for a drink at 10pm.

I met Rob and his friend Morgan at one of the only bars I've been to in Santa Fe, and the one that I've always met Rob (and Tim and Monica and Kerry) at before. We chatted for about an hour and then all took off to get home so we could get up early. This morning the house was showing at 9am, which realistically isn't too early, but I hadn't even been awake at 9am for several days, so it was a stretch. Randi, her boyfriend and I got up, did a quick clean and went out for some fabulous breakfast at this great little French bakery and cafe. Amazing. I will definitely have to go back for more croissants.

Now, I'm about to head out to Wise Fool for some open training and then head over to La Boca for a few hours of work before I have to be back at Wise Fool for acrobatics. Life is good.

Movie Night and a Gig!

Movie nights are back! I (mostly) remembered the way to Tim's house and met a bunch of his new friends - all the ones we shared movie nights with before were unable to attend... mostly because two of the three of them live out of state now.

We watched Dead Poets Society and somehow made it funny throughout. Beer helps. We watched the pilot episode of MacGyver afterward, which was cool because despite having suffered through the entirety of the MacGruber movie I had never seen its inspiration.

It was great to see Tim again after so long and he offered me a place to stay if I need it. At this point I don't, but since Randi's boyfriend is back, they might want some space soon.

In other news... I got a circus gig! Not just BUST, which I actually pay to perform in, but a gig that pays me! On the 26th I'll be stilt walking, blowing bubbles, and playing with kids who are up for adoption to give them a good time and show them that people care... AND I'm getting paid to do it! Crazy! The contract says $128 for the hour and a half. If only you could book multiple shows per day, then you could really make circus pay. I guess it's an option...

Monday Monsters and Tuesday Teachings

Monday morning I got up as usual, made breakfast, got ready and started my day. I got on my bike and decided to try and pump up the back tire a bit, but with my crappy pump it only made the tire flatter. Disgruntled, I put my bike in the garage and went out and started my car. I headed out for groceries and to meet friends by the plaza... But there was one key thing I forgot: to put the dogs out.

I had been out for over an hour when I suddenly realized, the dogs were still inside. I rushed back to my car hoping I would get back before any damage had been done. When I pulled up, my host was already back. I walked in to see her on the stairs with a vacuum and I knew immediately the monsters had made a mess. They had gotten into my room, torn up and mostly eaten a bag of peanuts, and somehow broke open a bottle of gatorade in the living room.

She was very sweet and just asked me to remember to put them out next time. Oh, I will.

That night I finally decided on the music for my aerial fabric routine (Blinding by Florence and the Machine) and got some good feedback on where the choreography was going. After training, I headed over to Leslie and Bob's place for dinner and games. It was delicious as always. They really can cook something awesome with whatever is around the house. We ate and drank and made merry until almost everyone got sleepy and then James and I made merry some more with another beer and a game of Cribbage. I won, hard.

The next day, I started working for La Boca, entering data and running errands. I thought I would need to start this fairly early, so I hadn't intended to go to Open Studio; however, I realized that Open Studio was fairly early too, so I went and really solidified some good stuff for my routine. The job at La Boca was easy and took way less time than anticipated, but I made $20 for my two hours, so I was content.

A few days before, I had gone looking into Vipassana in Santa Fe and found that Tuesday nights there were 45 min meditations followed by a lecture, so I decided to take this evening and find out what it was all about. Despite leaving early, I was still a few minutes late due to google maps being stupid and me doubting myself. But, I got there and crept in quietly for the majority of the meditation. The lecture was good it was all about antidotes to the detrimental mind-states: desire, aversion, sloth/torpor, and doubt (there was another one, but I can't remember it right now!). Doubt was the last one and for the others, I kept thinking, "oh yeah, this is good, I will use this a lot because I get in this mind-state sometimes." When he talked about doubt, my mental jaw dropped, "Oh $#!^, doubt is how I live my life." And, the antidote to doubt? Investigating and discovering for oneself what is truly wholesome and unwholesome, and skillful and unskillful. Well, that's a pretty tall order for someone who is ALREADY DOUBTING! I wanted to ask him how we are supposed to know what is wholesome and unwholesome when we are already doubting so much, but I had a brief moment of clarity where I felt it would be okay and I would be able to clear my mind and trust myself and just do it. As the lecture ended though, I doubted that ability again. Sigh. I guess I get to meditate on this and on letting my true self show itself and being receptive to what it shows.

I was reminded of something that a very close friend/love of mine said to me, "Don't ever doubt yourself." I'm certainly not to the "ever" part yet, but I'm getting better every day.

Abiquiu Encore

Today was a magical day that involved an hour-long road trip up to Abiquiu. This year, however, I and one of my wonderful passengers had been to the jumping rocks before, so we had no trouble finding them.

The afternoon started with the requisite sunscreen and hydration for the events to come. Bob and James jumped off the high rocks right away, but Leslie and I waited for our sunscreen to soak in. When we got up there, one guy was trying to build up his nerve for the jump and decided it would be better if we all chanted his name. So we all started chanting, "Brian, Brian, Brian!" louder and faster, but as the peak came, he did not jump. And as the peak faded, he did not jump. I got a little bored and took the opportunity to jump myself when he backed away to sit down. Leslie took a little convincing the first time. I waited for her in the water, but got too cold (it's still snow melt you know!). I joined them at the top again just in time to see her jump. We then played in the water, ate snacks, took pictures and laughed. Leslie and I jumped in off a low rock to swim around and cool off and again, Brian was at the top trying to gather his courage. People were counting down, shouting his name, offering hims goods, etc. Finally I shouted, "I'll show you my boobs!" Everyone cheered. Other ladies in the water volunteered too. Finally Brian had the motivation he needed. He jumped and we tossed off our tops. Everyone was glad to see us. Brian thanked us because our kind act made everyone happy about his jump instead of mad that it took him so long. Leslie and I enjoyed some time swimming and sunning topless, but soon it was time to pack up and take a final dip to cool off before hiking back to the car.

We were all a little sleepy on the drive home, but we got back safely and uneventfully. At home Leslie and Bod cooked a killer dinner for us and we chowed down enjoying freshly cooked corn tortillas, scrambled eggs with veggies, tumeric rice and sweet potatoes. We collaborated to finish off a box of wine and enjoyed the evening as Bob played songs and we all helped him write new verses. Leslie's friend Sam joined us for some merriment, but soon after it was time for me to return to the big queen size bed in the AC house with internet to type this message, eat some ice cream, shower and go to bed.

It was a beautiful day with beautiful people. Only one of many to come.

The First Week of Camp

The first week of camp is coming to a close and things are going well.

Camp: We've figured out our groups and what type of acts we'll be doing for the show. I am in a group acrobatics act and I have a solo fabric act (scary!). The group act is the very first act of the show, we found out today. It open with two empty park benches. One woman walks on and sits down, alone in the rain. Then my acro partner and I walk on together, in love, under an umbrella and sit down on the other bench. Then another woman walks on and shares her umbrella with the first woman. The ensuing acrobatics are my partner and I fighting and eventually breaking up, and the other pair falling in love. This leaves the other pair together on their park bench under an umbrella and me alone on a park bench without an umbrella. Oh yes, and for the acro act I will actually be the BASE, not the flyer, which is kind of exciting and new, though I do love to fly (it's also awesome to support somebody in a cool move too). Just after this is a clown scene where a magic umbrella is created and sent into the air, which then causes a storm. The whole cast ends up huddling behind umbrellas (or for me under some newspaper that I find). Then I stand up and grab the magic umbrella which causes a phenomenal gust of wind that blows everyone else away but me at which point I close the umbrella and start my fabric act. Crazy! I'll be done with my acts in the first 20 min. of the show, which is kind of a bummer, but oh well.

Right now I'm trying to figure out the music for my fabric act. Here are some possibilities; if you have an opinion, please let me know:

Black - Pearl Jam

Superhero - Ani Difranco

Beautiful Dawn - The Wailin' Jennys

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heep

Carry On - Kristi Jo

Kinder - Copper Wimmin

I was going for something kind of sad and break-up-y, but also transformative. I mean, it is my last performance in this show so I don't really want to go out totally sad and pathetic, but I do want to have the sadness portrayed because it's there.

Living Situation: I'm still staying with a woman from camp in her very comfortable home. It's on the market so we have to be out with it all cleaned up from time to time, but it's not a big deal. Her dogs are great and I think they enjoy having me around for company during the day. She's also very generous and has given me free reign of the fridge and pantry for free.

Job: I just got a job with one of the teachers at the camp! I'll be working with her a couple days a week doing office stuff for her restaurant, so that should be great and cover most of my expenses while I'm here.

Friends: I just got off the phone with Michael after a good long conversation, which was very nice to have. I'm also still hanging out with the wonderful people my friend introduced me to when I got here and who let me stay with them the first couple nights. They are very fun, beautiful people. We're hoping to go to Lake Abiquiu tomorrow, but I have to figure out how to get to the right part of it first. Directions online tell you how to get to the boat ramp, which is unnecessary and gross for us. There are cliffs that I've been to that are great for jumping and swimming, so hopefully we can find those. Otherwise I might suggest we try going to Taos for the day to check out a Hanuman Temple and get a "prasad" brunch for free.

All in all things are going well. Tears still happen sometimes, but so do bike rides and fabric climbs and hot tubbing and baking, so, life goes on. Also, there is another woman in camp who just broke up with her partner so we're going to have a pi-tea-party together where we can just cry and talk it all out to someone who understands.

Well, now I'm going to try and bake some scones... Or go to a friend's for a movie... Either will be great.

Santa Fe Anew

Well, it looks like I've found myself back in beautiful Santa Fe, NM for BUST women's circus camp.

This year has been slightly more challenging despite having been once before. Finding a rideshare friend out was not easy, but I eventually found a Berkeley friend who came along and introduced me to her wonderful friend in Santa Fe.

The first night I went to the first BUST workshop and then I "slept" on a yoga mat and blanket on top of a brick floor. It did not help that this was the first time the breakup with Elliot really hit me. I spent till 1am on the phone with my sister and then got up around 5:30am and waited till 7:30am to be able to talk to my mom (California is an hour behind... or New Mexico is an hour in the future...). I seemed to have trouble not crying a lot.

Last night was much better, though. We went to another friend's house to make dinner together, play games, drink, and for those who could play music. I went home just sedated enough that sleeping on a twin size box spring in a sleeping bag with my friend in her sleeping bag next to me was amazing. Cozy, but nice to be near someone and softer than the ground.

During these first couple days, I had doubts about whether being in Santa Fe is right for me until... wait no, I'm still having them on occasion. I know that I would be sad wherever I was, but part of me still wants the comfort of my home and my family at this time. Another part of me just wants to run off on a crazy roadtrip alone and find myself. The other part of me wants to stay here, build friendships, get a job?, work through my shtuff and use that to support my performance of "transformation" - which is this year's theme. I feel very connected to the theme. I feel in the midst of a transformation myself. This is good in the sense that I am very emotionally involved in the work, but it is bad in that I have a very distinct interpretation of transformation in this moment.

Oh yes, and the prop/item chosen to be the symbol of transformation - an umbrella. Interesting I know. But at least that leaves fun possibilities for including some Rhianna.

Tonight, I am staying with a new friend from camp in her huge house that has AC and a hot tub. Score! Perhaps tomorrow will hold the joy of swimming at the pool with Avery and her son. We'll see.

For now, it's time to repeat some affirmations and words of encouragement and love, and to try and sleep.