Is it Cowardice or Bravery?

It's kind of a strange state of affairs when I can't tell the difference.  Although, surprisingly, it's not all that uncommon.  Doubt follows me around a lot in this life.

I'm about to have my third interview for a midwifery apprenticeship, this one with Nova.  For the months that I was taking Heart and Hands and after, I felt really sure of my course, like I'd finally found it.  I felt really sure about midwifery.

That all seems to have changed, though.  I find myself, again, unsure of what I am doing with my life and where I want to steer myself.  Around the middle of October I felt I had some breakthroughs in circus performance/skill.  And they made me feel really really good.  I've also just been noticing how great I feel after teaching circus skills classes.  I love it.  I really do.  I love how my body looks and feels and works, all of the things it can do that I thought weren't possible (ie touching my feet to the back of my head, getting my splits down to the ground, backbend walkovers, break beats and so much more).  I feel really fulfilled.  What I don't feel is financially secure.  I also worry about sustainability of something that is so hard on my body and requires so much effort to even get work.

I feel like I can no longer tell if midwifery is the path of bravery and opening to my true calling, or if it's a cop out because I feel like I won't be able to make ends meet as a circus person, or I'll get hurt and have to find a new career anyway.  Am I just afraid that circus can't be my real job?  That my family will think I'm just goofing off?  That I'll never get popular enough to make it financially feasible?

Or am I just making excuses about starting a career in midwifery?  About sacrificing the known for the unknown?  About holding that much power as a healer?

Guidance, I'm seeking you.

Aerial Workshops at Athletic Playground

Exciting news for all interested in learning aerial skills!  I'm teaching two workshops at Athletic Playground in Emeryville, CA starting in November!

The first is a class for students with minimal aerial background.  Students should be able to climb and be working on inverting.  This class runs Monday nights from 6:45pm to 8:15pm.

The second is a class for students with more aerial experience.  Students should know several climbs, be able to invert easily, and have a grasp on the basic wraps (hip key, catchers, foot locks).  This class runs Monday nights from 8:30pm to 10pm.

For more information and to enroll check out this website.

I hope to see you there!!

A Loving Request

Dear Loved Ones,

I am about to embark on an exciting journey!  I’ve decided I’m ready to make a change and leave my (stressful-lacking-weekends/in-the-midst-of-negotiations) job with the BSC, an organization I deeply love, in late April.  I’m currently looking for apartments with my partner, Collin, since I live where I work and will need to move out when I quit, so it’s a time of big changes and potential!

As some of you may know, I recently had an interview with UCSF School of Nursing (further than I’d gotten the last two times!), but found out a few weeks ago that I was not accepted for graduate study.  I’m keeping busy and interested in women’s health and caring for others by volunteering with two organizations: the San Francisco General Hospital Doula Program, which offers free doulas to any mommas delivering at SFGH, and the Birth Justice Project, which offers free doulas to incarcerated women in labor as well as women’s health education within San Francisco County Jail.   I’ve also applied to the SFSU Clinical Psychology Master’s Program that would start in September, so we’ll see what happens with that.

For now, I’m hoping to continue pursuing my acrobatic passion as much as I can.  I have just finally been given the opportunity to teach a couple of aerial workshops at the Athletic Playground, where I have been training for three years.  Up until this point, I had only ever been able to substitute teach and assist some classes, so I’m very excited.

As part of fostering my acrobatic passion, I’ve registered for an aerial retreat in the Dominican Republic that takes place in early May.  This is, I’m told, a great place to build skills, learn about oneself, and network.  I’m so excited to be training with some fantastic aerialists!  For more information about the retreats, see this website: http://www.sweetretreatsdr.com/our-next-retreat/.  I’ve spoken with the retreat coordinator and she tells me the location that they’ve been using for the last 5 years is very safe.  There is also a good hospital nearby just in case!  (They’ve only had to use it once when someone got sick, so they have safe training practices too)

I’ve paid the deposit and applied for and been awarded one of the worktrade scholarships.  Unfortunately, the worktrade scholarship does not cover very much of the tuition.  All together, the retreat tuition and airfare is going to cost me $2,200 after the worktrade scholarship.  This cost, thankfully, includes food and lodging. 

I hope you will join me in my excitement about this next phase of my life!  If you are moved to make a donation toward this trip, it would be greatly appreciated.  Anything and everything helps and there is no amount too small.   This can go toward future birthday or Christmas gifts, or it can be part of a congratulation (or consolation  :/) about grad school.  If you have ever had trouble thinking of something to get me, this is an awesome idea!

And your contribution will get rewarded!  (Of course with my eternal gratitude and undying love, but there’s more!)

Donations between $5 and $25 will be mentioned on my blog and will receive a personalized thank you!

Donations between $26 and $100 will be mentioned on my blog and will receive a signed photo of me in the air along with their thank you note!

Donations between $101 and $500 will be mentioned on my blog, receive a signed photo with their thank you, and entitle you to a free aerial fabric lesson!

Donations above $500 will receive everything listed above plus a free performance* (Got a friend with a wedding coming up?  Like to throw spectacular parties?  Want to entertain some big shots at work?  I’m here for you!)

*2 month advance notice requested for all performance requests.  No guarantees for performance dates with less than 2 months notice (but I’ll do my best!)

Link to donate: https://www.paypal.com/sendmoney?email=cait.kil@gmail.com

Thank you all so much for your support and love over the years.  I am truly blessed with family and friends and so very glad I can count you as one of them.

Love,

Caitlyn

Skipping

A rough draft of a new poem...


I have been to the void and back
More times than Psychiatrists can prescribe
And in all those journeys
I have learned to appreciate
When the void becomes an opening
A potential
Not a lack
I have learned to appreciate the fullness
    of forgetting
Ignorance is bliss
And knowing is divine
Your love is a statement of fact
Five weeks of doubt cannot crack
As rough the days are now
Your presence makes them smooth
What else could cause that rock to skip
Worlds away
You bring me home to the present
Presently lacking you
Root me deep in your limbic soul
Where I'll be more than a weed
And chaos is crickets on a porch
You are with me always
Now
Even as you are 10 hours my senior
Tell me what the future holds
Now
Beyond space and time
Techno-love
Far away, in my bed
I sleep with you every night
Five weeks of doubt cannot disprove your ghost
Enfolding me as we speak
Five weeks of darkness
Remind me
Days sink and drag
Void potential becomes kinetic
Falling faster
Till smoothed-heart skip
Your memory refining the edges
Softening the blow
   of five weeks
I have seen the void
Context makes it possible
A new language
Bending time and space
To refine this heart of stone
Send me skipping
Coming home

9,000 Year Lease, Locked in a Dungeon, and The Gift of Gab

On the morning of our 4th day in Ireland, we woke up in the Tipperary House hostel after a not awesome night of sleep.  Nonetheless, we enjoyed the complimentary breakfast, stowed our luggage, and were on our way to see the sites of the city before our tour with CIE started that afternoon.  Our first stop, since it was so close, was Guinness.  We entered the giant pint glass-shaped building excitedly awaiting the story of Guinness.  We discovered that Arthur Guinness was granted a 9,000 year lease for the property there in Dublin where Guinness was made, which Sarah promptly informed us would not hold up, at least not in the US.  As we meandered through the halls and learned about the components and history of Guinness we learned about the introduction of the Toucan into the Guinness advertising campaign and each had the chance to pour the perfect pint, which we did.  Upstairs on the observation deck, we were able to see the whole of the city.  After a few hours there, we hopped on the Dublin bus tour that picked up just outside.

We rode the bus around for a bit, listening to the history of the city, including Phoenix Park and Kilmainham Gaol.  Our first (and last) stop for the day was at the National Museum of Art and History where we enlightened ourselves about the 1916 Uprising.  It was only a short walk from there back to the hostel to get our bags before we were off to our new hotel via taxi.  We spent a while walking around our new temporary neighborhood, looking for the best place to eat before we decided on a little cafe with more modern, fresh cuisine (a nice break from pub food!).  That night, we slept as well as we could with a hot room and trash and recycling getting picked up outside our window at 5:30am.

Despite our lack of sleep we arose nice and early to grab breakfast before heading off to the passport office to find out what we needed to get Irish Passports and citizenship.  Sarah and I are entitled to citizenship through our grandfather, who was born in Ireland.  Our mother was born an Irish citizen if she claims it as she is the daughter of and Irish resident.  We discovered we'd need a lot more paperwork and official documents to make it happen, but at least we know what we need and have the applications!  After the passport office, we got back on our Dublin City bus tour and began our day of meticulously planned stops and explorations.  We saw the cathedrals, St. Stevens Green, the General Post Office, the National Museum of Archeology, Cafe en Seine, and the Whiskey Shop all before heading back to our hotel to meet our tour guide and begin our official CIE tour at Dublin Castle.  We were given a tour and history lesson on the castle including admission to the Powder Tower excavation site where we got to go beneath the existing castle to the oldest remains of the old city and castle, which is kept behind lock and key.  Mom was very excited to get pictures of us in it, so much so that we missed the group and ended up locked inside the excavation site.  We pounded on the door on the brink of panic and thankfully our tour guide heard and came back for us.  We were careful not to fall behind again throughout the trip.  That night, we were bussed out to the suburbs of Dublin to enjoy dinner and a show at  The Merry Ploughboy.  It was a lovely evening of food and entertainment by and Irish band and Irish step dancers. At the point in the show where the dancers went into the crowd to find volunteers to dance with them, my mom pointed at me vigorously and surprise surprise, I was selected to dance on stage with them (for brief moments only, but nerve-racking enough!).  The night was great, but a bit long for having to be up at 6:30am the next morning... the Irish Coffees didn't help with the getting enough sleep thing...

The next day we were up and out by 8am, on our way South and West stopping at the Rock of Cashel and Blarney Castle on our way to Killarney.  The Rock of Cashel was basically a photoshoot and coffee stop.  We snapped some shots of the castle, were told it cost 6 euro to go inside the courtyard and take pictures, and grabbed tea and pie at the coffee shop before getting back on the bus to Blarney. We had two hours at Blarney, which we spent roaming the grounds, taking copious amounts of photos, and climbing the castle.  The castle was lovely and we couldn't have asked for a better day.  I was sweating in a t-shirt, which I didn't realize happened in Ireland.  We enjoyed the sun and the photo opps, and ended up kissing the Blarney Stone in hopes of the Gift of Gab (or maybe just because that's what you do at Blarney Castle when you're a tourist) in spite of our hygienic concerns.  After pressing our lips to that cold lover, we meandered through the Blarney Woolen Mills, trying in vein to find sweaters for a Christmas photo and, in my case, buying yarn.  When we finally finished there, it was clear we needed food, so food we got just in time to jump back on the bus (Sarah and mom even had to put their beers in to-go cups so they could finish them!).  After that, it was only a couple hours to Killarney, where we were to stay for the next couple nights.  Once we settled in, we went exploring some shops before dinner, where I found more yarn! and we learned that different families had different patterned sweaters to wear, which were far to expensive to buy.  After dinner, I met up with Athena who'd been in Killarney for a couple weeks in the midst of her European adventure.  We enjoyed a drink together and made plans to meet again the next night for a real night out.  That night we slept better, but getting up at 7am caused it to not be as restful as hoped.

In the morning, we ate rather quickly and hopped on the bus to head out for the Ring of Kerry.  Our first stop, before the rest of the "herd" (to quote our tour guide) of busses was at a golf course to take photos.  Unfortunately our group cannot tell time, and took to long, and so we were no longer ahead of the herd despite our early morning efforts.  Our next stop was at a very shnazzy gift shop where I purchased a lovely green scarf and they served us free Irish Coffees... hooray!  After that we wound through the mountains around the coast and ended up at a shepherd's place where he showed us his amazing sheep dogs and his different varieties of sheep.  After an underwhelming lunch, we got to see where the first transatlantic telegraph wire was laid and some beautiful cliff views.  After that, we were off to learn about the Skelligs before wending our way back around the bay and through the moutains, through the National Park, back to Killarney... I got a bit car sick at the end on the windy mountain roads, but fresh air fixed that rather quickly when we got back into town.  We got off the bus, used the restroom, and were back out for a carriage ride through the flat part of National Park, which was lovely!  We finally got back just after our reservation for dinner and boy did I need it!  We ate and I went upstairs, hoping for a quiet night, but ended up trying for a while to coordinate a meet up with Athena.  We finally worked it out after missing each other in the hotel and at an ice cream shop and we grabbed a drink at a local bar and commiserated about Cloyne.  Another long day, with only a couple more to go.

I'll stop here for now and let you and I both catch up before finishing the tale of our trip to Ireland.

Still to come: Bunratty, Connemara, Galway, Dublin, and a visit with our cousin Thecla who showed us some family history.

3 Days Into Ireland + A Stateside Suprise!

It's the end of our third day in Ireland and we spent our first evening in Dublin.

Yesterday, after getting back to sleep, we got up around 9am and had some tea and coffee with Tony and Margaret before Tony took us out to see the Kelly land and Feakle while Margaret cooked breakfast.  We started just looking around the various buildings by the house.

On our tour, we saw the foundation where the Kelly house had stood before it was burnt down and the small building my grandfather and his family lived in after the house was burnt.  Then we walked down the tree lined dirt road that leads to the house toward "downtown" Feakle.  We stopped in the very small cemetery at the intersection of the dirt road and the main road to see my cousin's grave and those of my great great great great(?) grandparents.  In Feakle, Tony knew everyone.  The whole town was only a few blocks long with two stores/pubs and one church.  At the church, Tony told us about how my great grandfather stood up in the middle of church, walked down the aisle, and straight up to the priest to confront him when he said some people weren't fit to become priests after having refused a letter of recommendation for my great uncle for the seminary.  In the church an older woman eventually recognized Tony and came to talk with us; she said my mother looked and sounded Irish.  We also saw the school, several cows, and the post office where my family tried to hide their furniture when they knew the British were coming to burn down their house; unfortunately the British burned down the post office too, so the furniture was lost anyway.

When we arrived back at the house, Margaret had prepared a lovely Irish breakfast for us with eggs, potatoes, tomatoes, toast, scones, bacon, sausage, and tea.  We took our time with the meal, enjoying it so long Greta came while we were still at the table to take us to Ennis.

Once we packed up, we were on our way to Ennis to meet our other cousin, Tim.  Along the way we stopped for photos at an Abbey and then at the Walled Garden at Dromoland Castle, which was lovely.  In Ennis we stopped to have tea with Tim, then went for a drive around old Ennis before coming back and having a Hurling lesson from Tim.  I left with two hurlies and two slíotars to take home with me.  After that, Tim drove us all to Limerick where we checked into our swanky hotel.  After check in we had an early dinner with Tim and Greta before they headed back to Ennis.  Once settled we "hit" the town... sort of.  We walked around a few blocks and checked out a park before grabbing a drink at a local bar on the other side of the Shannon.  Once back in the hotel we stayed up for a while before bed.

The next day we barely made it to our complimentary breakfast before getting ready for our day.  We didn't spend much time in Limerick after that and headed straight for the train station.  We got there just in time for the noon train to Dublin.  Then we relaxed, enjoyed the scenery, and I fell asleep for a bit.  In Dublin we quickly found our hostel and checked in.  We left a key for Sarah who would be showing up that afternoon and went for some tea.  Only about 5 minutes after we got back we heard Sarah coming to check in.  We all chatted for a bit before grabbing a taxi, in which Sarah told some hilarious and slightly inappropriate tales of her journey that made the taxi driver snicker and gasp, toward Temple Bar for dinner and drinks.

We ended up at not the best restaurant because we got it confused with another, but we ended up at the intended one for drinks and some Irish Folk Music.  Sarah went home a bit early to sleep after getting in that day, and mom and I looked around some shops before calling it a night ourselves and walking back to the hostel from Temple Bar, singing and being silly the whole way (not even drunk though!).

Upon arriving at the hostel, I came online to start writing this and discovered the UCSF is accepting applications for midwifery this year and that since they failed to notify me, they gave me a small extension... Just enough to get home and finish up the app, I think.  Anyway, it turned into a stressful, exciting, late night.... and I'm just now finishing this post two nights later because of all the stuff we did the next couple days - details to come!

For now, we're in Dublin; it's late; we have to be up in 6 hours to get our bus to Blarney Castle and then on to Killarney!  Off to bed I go!

Arriving on the Emerald Isle

Well, it's taken my mother 55 years, but she's finally made it to Ireland.  She was gracious enough to bring me and my sister with here.  I'm in a cozy bed in my cousins' home in County Claire.  It's 4:30am here, but I can't sleep anymore at the moment, maybe I'll get to sleep a little more again before my family wakes up, but we'll see.

I'm staying with my great uncle's children, on Kelly land, in a house built right next to te old house my grandfather once lived in.  It's absolutely lovely.  My cousins have been so hospitable - 4 course meal (or is it 5 with the Irish Coffees at the end?, which by the way are so much better than any Irish Coffee I've had in the states), warm bed in my own room, lovely conversation and humor, pick from the airport in Dublin 3 hours away, and the list goes on.

It wasn't a terribly easy journey getting here, but it could have been a lot worse, as they'll tell you - once they were laidover in Atlanta, GA for 6 days...  We left SFO just past 8am on Sept. 1st arrived in JFK on time, but were still a little worried about catching our connection.  Luckily, we had nothing to worry about as our connection to Dublin had been delayed 5 hours.  We had time to look around and eat a real dinner and then walk around and then look around and then walk around some more.  Our flight finally took off just after 12:30am Eastern.  We slept a bit and had dinner on our flight because they had planned on us taking off at 6:20pm.  It was good enough and we passed the 7 hour flight with relative ease.  I very much enjoyed the plane we were on - old school with a movie projected at the front, the seats were low so you could see over all of them, which I loved.  I realized then that what makes me so stir crazy on flights is only being able to see my little row and having a television screen jammed in front of my face.  I must find out what they call those types of seats/planee/flights/whatever so that I can find more with low seats.  We arrived in Ireland around 1pm local time, and unfortunately, my cousin Tony had been at the airport waiting for us since 9am.  When we finally got through customs it was another hour later - an adventure that reinforced how much we want to get Irish passports, a project for the week while we're here.  It was then a 3 hour drive to Feakle, County Claire, Ireland where my family stil lives.  On the drive, a third of which I slept through, I learned that "kill-" means "church of", so Killkenny means "church of Kenneth".  "Kil-" means "woods of", so Kilgore must mean woods of something, but we're not sure what.  We also drove across the River Shannon and saw so much beautiful greenery.  We might go back that way tomorrow for some sightseeing with another cousin before heading back to Dublin to pick up my sister; I'm very sad she couldn't be here for this because I know she would have loved it.  My mom says we'll just have to come back again!

When we arrived at my cousin's house, which has no street address because it's a town of 150 or so and mail just needs to have my cousin's name and the town's name, we were greeted by my cousin's wife, Margaret.   We enjoyed relaxing in the living room with the stove going and my other cousins showed up to greet us as well.  Margaret in the meantime cooked us an absolutely lovely dinner that just kept coming.  After dinner, we had real Irish Coffees in the loft, which is part of the house that my grandfather used to live in.  We enjoyed looking at the art on the walls and my mother started talking about the jewelry I  make and Margaret thought it was lovely; she's asked to commission me to make her some - we'll see how it goes because it's been a couple years now since I've made anything (I think the last was a wedding gift for my cousin Cher in Illinois).

It's amazing how at ease my cousins are making me feel.  I've felt more comfortable carrying on a conversation with them than with some of my closer relatives back in the states, but this might have to do with being older and less shy when I met them and the fact that even in the states my close relatives live thousands of miles away.  It wasn't overwhelming in the least to meet 4 cousins in an evening after a 24 hour journey, which really surprised me since I've known myself to be easily overwhelmed.

Tony and Margaret leave soon for a trip to Italy, and I'm already feeling like we won't have spent enough time together.  It's a lovely feeling to want to spend more time with people you just met.

Well, it's still dark out here, so I think I'm going to try to go back to sleep now (fingers crossed!).  Looking forward to updating as I can.  Enjoy when you can.

Ta athas orm.

Divine Inspiration

A ring on a finger
Makes a spoken-for woman
Use your own words
You say
So I speak your name
The one word that could sustain me
In the lack of all others
I read the lines of a
Writer unwritten in the words
You say
And how could I not spout
These verses
Spelled with the other C to my me
Gasping
Late in the night to the beat
Of a squeak
Thud
Squeak
Thud
Squeak
But wait
Let me rephrase
Because this is not about coming
But becoming one
And I will speak for me
Through your tongue
Telephone kiss
Sans distortion because
Energy doesn't lie
And neither do tongues like ours
No more a writer without writing
Than a god to a bible
For whom my ink flows
This poet won't shut up
Because I'm spoken for

From January 25th 2012

This was in my drafts.  I guess if you're interested in what I was dealing with/thinking about 6 months ago it might be interesting.  And just so you know, I've been stretching since then and I'm much more flexible and very happy about that.  Read on if interested...



I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the abundance of emotion I've been feeling. It's overwhelming and mostly in a good way, but still it's hard to handle. I've gone from having the greatest day in months to the worst in almost as many... in the same day, for no obvious reason.

It's so wonderful to fall for someone sometimes. Like just letting go and melting in, collapsing and giving up all resistance. Like a good, deep, long stretch that you just surrender too. However, I've never been to good at emotional moderation. I think I may forget to warm up sometimes and I'm certainly not limber enough yet to just drop into my splits. I've been letting go and diving in, but I've been going too deep into these stretches - and they are stretches. I keep finding myself having a hard time breathing, tensing, doubting I can maintain such a stretch, and backing off.

It's so hard! Letting go and trusting my body (and heart) to handle the situation, the stretching, the growing is so hard. Often, when the potential of a new relationship presents itself, it is easy to follow this same pattern of over-stretching and recoiling, but usually the potential partner is there to reassure that the depth of stretching is mutual and sustainable and desirable. But what if they're not? I find myself continually petrified, frozen inside, terrified to move or breathe. So scared that I can't handle it or shouldn't go so far.

Perhaps this is better though. Perhaps it is keeping me from flinging myself into something with reckless abandon, which is probably a very good thing given the circumstances...

But, I feel so frustrated! So unable to relax, constantly changing my mind, full of half-completed swoons and expressions of love. About to burst from built up almosts. I need someone to tell me it's ok. To tell me it will be ok. To tell me I can throw myself into this if I so choose. Or to tell me that this frustration is normal and mutual.

I have so many needs right now. And that's what it boils down to. Needs that I don't feel it's fair to need someone for, especially not the person I really feel like I need for them. And that's the point of retraction. The point of sucking back in, of fearing. It's not fair for me to need this of you. You shouldn't have to deal with this. It should not be your burden to shoulder; you did not ask for this. In fact, you specifically noted that this was a possibility you did not want... or at least you acknowledged there are needs you can't meet from your current position. And that's not your fault. You don't deserve to have to deal with the needs or the guilt of not being able to deal with them. And thus I shouldn't have these needs (or so the logic goes).

Having Your Cake

I suppose there is at least one point, and more likely several points, in a person's life when it is time to make a change. Like a big change. A change that involves leaving people they love and parts of who they are behind. A change that means some roads might be closed for good. When I say "they", I am speaking, of course, of myself.

I know what is easy. I know what has worked fairly well. I know where I can fit. I know what has become a bit boring. I know what I'd be missing. I know what is exciting. I know what is scary. I know what I don't know how to do. I know where I don't know what to expect.

Just when I thought I finally had it figured out and I'd gotten over my sick obsession with analyzing every decision to the nth degree, I am lost and confused again.

Why do I feel like one choice leads to the end of my childhood? Perhaps it's time for that anyway, but it's so addictive to come home to hippies and half-naked dance parties. To be in a community that is so energetic and vibrant and diverse. It's tiring too though.

I suppose, as a friend said, I want to have my cake and eat it too. But, isn't that what you're supposed to do with cake? What a silly saying, as if people would get cake just to have it around. And that brings another excellent question, what if you opt for just eating the cake? Is that even possible if you don't have the cake to begin with? Or is it that someone else could have the cake and give you a piece, so it's not your cake, but you get to eat it? But if it is your cake, you get to guard it and disperse it, but not eat it?

How long have I been eating cake for? It might be time to change my diet. I suppose my obsession over cake is unhealthy. If I just ate a good meal and had cake every now and then without worrying so much about not getting to have cake most of the time or thinking that I have to give cake up all together then I'd probably be much healthier physically and emotionally.

Om nom nom cake. But after a while it gets to be too much sweetness. Like when we took those magic berry pills at Kingman and EVERYTHING tasted sweet for 2 hours, I nearly vomited. I couldn't stand sweetness for a while and I still can't drink Guinness without gagging.

Sigh. I wish there was some way to get my food from the farmer's market, but still live around the corner or something from the cake shop. But it appears that if I go to the farmer's market (well, actually it would probably be more like Trader Joe's because it's not quite as hippie, free-love as the farmer's market) that the cake shop would be a 6 hour drive away. And, the cake shop just got some new goodies, like an awesome acro partner imported from NM. Although, Trader Joe's (cuz it's not actually the farmer's market) just got a great new shipment of lovely friend from Santa Fe.

"Oh fudge!" to quote a 10-year-old-changing-a-flat-tire friend of mine and to make this post sweeter.

Goodness, I am corny. Which could be kind of like cake if it was in corn bread. Yes, I am corn-bready. And obviously brain-fried from the over thinking I've been doing. Mmmm... fried cornbread.

Thanks for letting me be crazy all over your eyes. Hopefully I'll figure out this whole cake fiasco soon.

Performances and a Blessing

Thursday was our tech-through at Moving People. We didn't perform our acts at all, but worked on the cues for lighting and music. It took much longer than intended... that and we started an hour late as we are apt to do. We finally got done around 10:30pm. Avery came home with us and we went in the hot tub for a little bit before bed.

It was kind of hard for me to sleep, but we got up at 9:15am anyway to have time to run some errands and eat breakfast before our first full dress rehearsal with tech that morning. The dress rehearsal went well and during it I still wasn't really nervous yet. Afterward, I met my mom and Ben at Randi's house and we went out for some lunch before the first show that evening. I was back at Moving people at 5pm and had a couple hours to get ready for the show.

Randi and I had the very first act of the show and so were very nervous. We were warming up from 6:15 to 6:45 with the whole group and I was about to lose it. I still had to finish make up, put on my mustache, go to the bathroom, and calm down before the show started. I was able to do all those things, but thinking about making time for all of them was a great amount of stress on top of being nervous.

The show went very well. It was our best acro act of the run, and my fabric act went pretty well too. We rushed around the entire time changing and getting ready for the next act and soon it was over and we couldn't believe it. Afterward, my mom took me out to meet Ben and my friend Tim for some late dinner and a drink. My mom headed out to Albuquerque soon after to get my sister at the airport. They stayed in ABQ, so I stayed with Randi again. That night I could hardly sleep at all. I couldn't stop thinking about the show, at least I could stay in bed a little longer because the show started later than rehearsal had.

I went with RJ and Ben to breakfast and got to Moving People a little early. I was not nervous for the afternoon show Saturday. I was hot and tired. Unfortunately it showed. Acro wasn't so great and I felt bad because it was the show that a bunch of Randi's friends had come to see and I couldn't get her into Cathedral for the first time in two weeks. Sigh. It turned out alright though and afterward I grabbed some foods with my mom and sis at Chocolate Maven, which apparently does High Tea because that's what we got. It was tasty and not too filling.

Saturday night's show was the bomb dot com. Acro was great. The performance aspect was great. My fabric act was phenomenal (I think) and the whole show went really well. I had been really nervous before the show because my sis was there and I didn't want her to be disappointed after coming all that way. She was not. She said I was amazing and that she is very proud of me. :')

That night we headed out and met a bunch of people at the Cowgirl for food and drinks. I finally had a decent margarita in Santa Fe and some tasty tacos. I ended up staying with Randi again because my mom and sis went home a little early to go to bed. The next day we met with Ben and his dad and my fam and Randi and RJ for breakfast. It was good, but sad to be leaving.

The car had been having issues, so we decided that if it started right up, we'd leave, if it didn't my mom and sis would get a rental and I'd stay and have the car fixed and drive it back later. It started right up, so we picked up my stuff, said goodbye to Randi and RJ and Leslie and Bob and hit the road. We got all the way to Holbrook, AZ on our first tank of gas, but when we stopped to get gas, the car wouldn't start again. It started raining and we had no idea what to do. Holbrook is small and we would have had to get towed 77miles southwest (about 45miles out of the way) to another small town where there was a AAA approved mechanic. We would have had to wait there 2 days until after the 4th of July to even get the car fixed. Thankfully, miraculously, while looking under the hood, a man walked up and offered to help. Turns out he is a mechanic. He found the problem and fixed it enough to get us back to LA and wouldn't take any payment. It truly was meant to be though because we'd decided to continue on to Holbrook without AC instead of stopping in Gallup because it was overcast and starting to get rainy, so not too how. We stopped at this small gas station in Holbrook because mom thought it looked family run and could use the money. The man had only come out to see the rain because it was the first rain in 6 months. His wife happened to want a candy bar while they were out, so they went to that little gas station that was owned by his cousin. Crazy. We can never thank those people enough, but we will never forget how their kindness got us out of a real jam.

Cuddles and Goodbye

Randi and I went to fabric class with RJ, but we ended up just warming up, stretching and watching. I really needed a day off and I had already been up on stilts for an hour and half earlier that day. It was nice to watch and see what classes at Wise Fool are like. They seem much more laid back and fun and intimate. They are an hour and half long, so there's plenty of time to warm up well and have a great class.

After class, Randi went out to meet her friend and RJ and I made dinner: chicken sausages with onions and swiss cheese on bread. Pretty tasty. We decided to watch a movie and both agreed on this one with James Franco called Shadows and Lies. It was slow. Very slow. We were patient, but when Randi got home she said, "Why are you watching this?" At that point we decided to switch to Chasing Amy, which I hadn't seen in a long time and quite enjoyed. We all went to bed pretty early, which was good thing because we were all tired.

Tuesday morning I got up a little early so that I could get to the La Boca office and do some work. 4 hours and 45 minutes of data entry work to be exact. It wasn't too bad and I got free lunch, so I can't complain too much. By the time I was done though it was time to head to Wise Fool for the last sessions of aerial and acro before our dress rehearsals start. I ran through my fabric act once, my trapeze act twice, and my acro act twice. I was ready to be done when it was over at 9pm.

It was already late, so I didn't stop for dinner, but just headed straight over to Leslie and Bob's to say goodbye to James who was leaving in the morning. I brought some wine, which we promptly finished in a game of King's Cup (a nar nar nar game of King's Cup in which we drank wine.) Leslie and Bob got pretty tired after that and James and I stayed up to watch Family Guy. After a few episodes we were also tired and James got ready for bed. I decided to just stay the night. James and I snuggled on a twin-size box spring, which was unavoidably uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I just rolled around until it started to get light out, then I was finally able to sleep. Leslie and Bob made a great breakfast with fried rice and tortillas and I took James to the shuttle to get to the airport. By the time he comes back to Santa Fe I'll be long gone, so I didn't have any issue giving him a ride and hanging out a little bit longer.

After that awful night of sleep I've been trying to take it easy. I did meet up with the guy who sells awesome honey and bought some for me and as gifts. Then I got some dye and tried to fix up my trapeze costume a bit. It's the smallest one and the only one that's blue instead of green. I added some fabric and green dye and it looks pretty good. I'm going to add blue dye to the other three unitards soon so that, hopefully, we'll all match.

Tonight there is an all cast rehearsal till 9pm and then I told Avery I'd go to ABQ with her and babysit Io. I'm kind of hoping she can find someone else though because I'm pretty tired and would like to just relax at "home". I'll find out soon I suppose.

Pride of Various Sorts

Open studio on Friday was good. I ran through my routine one and half times deciding I'd rather rest because I knew I'd be running through it the next day at our all cast rehearsal. The rest of the day I just kind of hung out and tried to be available if Ilana needed me at work, which she didn't.

That night at acro, we really tightened up our act. We got to perform it in front of the other acro groups and get some feedback. I, unfortunately, have issues with one of the acro groups and was not very open to their feedback, nor did I feel comfortable giving them feedback. Alas, we'll hopefully work it out before the end of the show.

After training, Randi and I went to pick some chinese food, which we scarfed and then we got ready to go out to the Rouge Cat (because it was the night before Pride). Randi and I got all purdied up and looked fabulous. I bought our first drinks and then RJ bought my second one. We danced outside and downstairs. We noticed their new stripper pole and tried out our fabric skills on it. We talked to a bunch of Randi's friends and danced with some of them too. Just after midnight, I finally got up some courage and decided to dance with a beautiful woman on the dance floor. I was cautious at first and didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but when I put my arm around her waist and asked if it was ok, she said of course and pulled me closer. We danced to a few songs, but her friends were leaving and she had to go. Soon after that we were ready to go as well. We headed back and decided the hot tub would be a nice way to end the evening. It was nice, but a little dehydrating...

The next day I got up with just barely enough time to bike to the Pride Parade, take a few pictures and get to Wise Fool for rehearsal. In the 15 minutes I was actually at Pride though, I got a picture of Randi's friend who had just been crowned Miss Gay Pride Santa Fe. He was lovely.

Rehearsal was pretty good. We started with the finale because we still hadn't choreographed it. That process was a little rough and tedious. One of the acro people that I have issues with kept suggesting things for the whole group to do directly to the director instead of asking the group if we were into it. I was a little annoyed, but we powered through it and we ended up doing a little acro bit that called for two 2-highs (one person standing on another's shoulders), so I told Randi I wanted to try it. We got it on our first try and did it a few times and it felt good, so now we're doing a 2-high in the show! Hooray! I also found out that my sister might be coming to the show during rehearsal, so I got very excited. We didn't make it all the way through the show because we used the first half of the time working on the finale, but we got through all my acts and I felt good about them. After rehearsal, I met up with Nancy who was going to be doing the Lamy Train Station Gig with me the next day. We picked out some costumes and puppets and agreed to carpool out together.

After that, I had to rush home to shower and change so that we could go to Peñasco to volunteer - and thereby see a show for free. It was fun and not too hard. The show was interesting. I got to see a new, cool, creative aerial apparatus (a long pipe held in the middle by a sling), which was awesome, but it was one of those shows with a lot of tension and discomfort in it, so I'm kind of glad I didn't have to pay to see it. We stayed after to help clean up a bit and ended up taking Laura (a member of Ricochet - my favorite circus duo!) home. It was nice to chat with her for the drive back. When we got back to the house, we pretty much all passed out.

I got up fairly early this morning to get ready for the Lamy Train Station Gig. I did an awesome job with my make-up (Sarah would be proud), but probably could have done more since it was a circus gig and all. Nancy picked me up and we got there with plenty of time to get ready. I got up on stilts - I forgot to have a picture taken though :( - Nancy got in a puppet, and Jasmine did poi in an awesome costume. We had fun talking to the kids and walking around, but I felt a little inadequate next the Clan Tynker, an actual circus family with awesome old-time circus costumes. In any case, it went well and I got paid, so I'm stoked.

Tonight may hold a fabric class with Amy C at Wise Fool, but I also might take the night off to recuperate. Monday is training, and then starts the week of run-throughs and then the show this weekend! AH!!! It's almost here already!!

Naked in Nature + a New Act!

Physical Theater class was indeed a little tedious. I'm all for learning about expression and performance, for exploring how to create a character or portray an emotion, for allowing myself to give and receive with an audience, but if I had to play "Friend or Foe" one more time or lift one more imaginary rock I would scream. We started the day off with warming up and then were asked, "How about a game of Friend of Foe?" To which I responded, "What is really the point of this game?" in all sincerity, wanting to understand it's purpose and what I could be getting from it. The teacher looked at me in slightly shocked disappointment and another woman in the class said, "What's the point of life, Caitlyn?" I suppose life might just be one giant game of Friend or Foe...

In class we worked on tension. I followed a woman's foot around, keeping it within 6 inches of my nose - apparently to show tension. I didn't get it. She didn't get it either while following my elbow.

At any rate, after class I skipped outta there instead of staying for open studio because I had a movie night to get to. It was pretty great. Tim showed "Little Shop of Horrors" and Rob AND Kerry (who now actually lives in Colorado, but was here for the week) showed up. Tim sang all the songs. I was impressed. Afterward, people left pretty quickly, but I stuck around with Tim for another episode of MacGyver - the only other episode of it I had seen was the week before after movie night. Tim and I hung out and talked for a bit, but I eventually had to go so that I could get to sleep and get up to drive to Taos to meet with the administrator of the National College of Midwifery.

I got up fairly early Thursday to pick up Leslie, Bob, and James to take them to Taos with me. The drive was good; Leslie and Bob played ukelele and sang most of the way. I dropped them off downtown near the plaza and went to have my lunch meeting. Lisa, the administrator was very nice. She brought me some information and sympathized with my decision between nursing or non-nursing. She also told me that I can do their program anywhere, so I could find a midwife to apprentice with in the Bay Area and get accredited through their school, which is good to know.

After lunch, I picked everybody up at the plaza and we headed back down 68 toward the Rio Grande. We stopped off at a good place to get to the bank of the river and enjoyed some shade and swimming... well, sort of swimming because the Rio Grande is fast. We walked out as far as we could without being dragged away and dunked, then we held onto rocks and let ourselves float in the current. We found a secluded little spot with a fairly small path down to the water and freed ourselves from our swimsuit/clothing restraints. It was so magical/beautiful/exhilarating/natural to float and splash around nude in the river. I'm so glad that I have friends that are into nudity in nature too! Soon after we had to get back in the car so that I could get back to training at Wise Fool.

When I got to training, Colleen notified me that one woman had indeed dropped out of the show and that the triple-trapeze act did indeed need someone to step in and that she was grateful that I'd offered and she would love to have me! I am sad that that woman dropped out, but I'm really excited to get to do a trapeze act! I've never done one before because I tend to focus on fabric, but I love trapeze too! They had the act all choreographed, so I just had to learn the part. We ran through it twice and it already looks good. I was worried that I wouldn't mesh with them or I wouldn't have the skills, but I totally do and it's great! This just means that I have to work on my fabric act on my own time from now on because fabric and trapeze train at the same time. I think it will be fine though because I feel pretty good about my fabric act already.

After training, Randi made dinner for us (RJ - her boyfriend, Chantal, Mai, Danika, and me). It was tasty and we got very full, but we stuck it out and worked on some acro anyway - mostly just blocking and a couple moves that needed work). After that, I made cookies. They weren't as good as the first batch, but they were still sugary tasty treats. Once everyone was full of cookies they headed home and Randi, RJ and I hopped in the hot tub for some relaxation before bed. We tried to go to bed early so we could get up and meet Danika for breakfast, but I think we all got less sleep than intended. In any case, breakfast with Danika was great and I just need to digest a little before going to open studio to work on fabric.

Stilts, Drinks, Surgery and Albuquerque

Stilt walking on Sunday at the Father's Day Fiesta went pretty well. We didn't have the best costumes, but we had fun pants. It was SO windy. I was scared we were going to get blown down. It actually wasn't too bad up there though. Until I brought out my parasol to protect me from the sun, I didn't have too much more resistance to the wind than usual, so it just blew by me, as usual. The parasol made things a little more complicated and I had to make sure it was facing the right way when a big gust of wind came or it would break me, the parasol, or both.

When I got down from the stilts and packed up I still had some time left for parking, so I got some ice cream and watched the break dancers on stage. The firefighters that we had been walking by all day were nearby and started chatting saying they would have caught us if we fell. They might come to the show now.

That night I headed over to Leslie and Bob's with a chicken breast and an artichoke. I got there just in time to find them snacking on some delicious baked potato chunks and playing cards. We all had a drink and started some new games. The night went on pretty long before dinner started happening. I was already three drinks in when we started making dinner. Unfortunately, by that time, James and I had run to the store so he could get some Tequila... no bueno. They insisted we all take the first shot together. Blegh. After that I pretty much reclined on the couch with my eyes closed and listened to what everyone else was saying. By the time dinner was ready, I was feeling well enough to eat a taco, slowly. I hung around for a couple more hours and felt well enough to head home. I slept in late the next day.

Monday, Lisa, a friend I met last year at BUST, had to go in for surgery on her nose. She broke it whilst spotting some current BUSTers in an unexpected acro move and got kicked in the face. Randi was going to drop her off and I had offered to pick her up, but when Randi got there she realized there had to be someone there the whole time while she was in surgery, so I headed over around 11:30am. Around 12:45p they finally took her back and the wonderful nurse, Neva, started taking down her information. There was a lot of waiting even at this stag for all the key people to be in the right place together (surgeon, anesthesiologist, scrub nurse, etc). Finally around 2pm the surgery was done and around 3pm they let Lisa leave. On the way home we had to hit the pharmacy (where I bought a new $7 stethoscope!) and the grocery store so that Lisa had her meds and mild food.

We hung out for a little at home and then I had to leave for training. Randi was very grateful and gracious and took me (and RJ and Lisa) out for dinner at a delicious Indian place afterward. We all stayed up and chatted for a bit afterwards and then headed towards bed.

Tuesday, I still had the stilts from the Father's Day Fiesta and I took Leslie, Bob and James to the park to try them out. Bob brought his slack line and yuke and I brought my cameras. It was a lovely day. Leslie took to the stilts amazingly well. She stayed on them for almost 2 hours straight. I got a lot better at slack lining and we took lots of pictures. I had to leave after a couple hours to get ready to go to Albuquerque to babysit Avery's son, so we didn't stay too long.

I headed out of Santa Fe just around 4pm and got a call from Avery just around 4:30pm when I was directly halfway that she didn't need me until 9:30pm. Well, that threw a kink in my day. I decided just to drive to ABQ and hang out since I had to be there anyway and I didn't want to add an extra 60 miles to my trip. I hung out around old town ABQ, which was pretty nice actually, and then went to the newer part of town when UNM is. I tried to watch the sunset for Solstice, but couldn't find a good place. I even tried going out in this random field and ended up with about 50 goat-heads (prickly plant pieces - very prickly) in my sandals. I'm so glad my sandals were still thick enough that they didn't go all the way through! The night got better and I got back to Santa Fe around 2am and slept in again.

In a couple hours I'll be headed out to help Ilana and make a little money, and then it's off to the circus... or at least circus school for "Physical Theater", which was really great the first time, but has gotten very old and a somewhat tedious.

Up Early, Up High

In Acrobatics class Friday night, Randi and I worked out a lot our routine. It's not the most amazing moves ever, but it is a lot of cool stuff, and it tells a story. Not terribly well at this point, but it's getting better every time we run through it. That night, I sat in the hot tub under the moon and realized that anything can be beautiful in moonlight.

The next day, Randi and I had to be up early so that the house could show. I hopped on my bike planning to go to the tasty French Cafe we'd gone to the morning before. I got there just in time to find Randi (who had driven) at the front of the line. She asked me if I wanted anything and graciously bought it for me. She then rushed off to work I went to hang out at the Plaza with Bob and Leslie. I couldn't stay long though because the All Cast Rehearsal started at noon.

The rehearsal went quite well actually, the show is looking good. We had a little snag/dis agreement about the ending number, but it mostly looks like one person really has the issue with it.

Afterward, I met up with Leslie, Bob and James and headed over to Sam and Dan's. We drank watermelon smoothie/juice, ate snacks, walked down to the arroyo where I took tons of pictures and slack lined (which I cooly avoided). We finally headed back to Bob and Leslie's to make dinner, which took a little longer because Sam and Dan didn't show up with the lentils until almost everything else was done. It was still delicious and nutritious.

Eventually, Bob, Leslie and I headed back over to Randi's and hung out in the hot tub under the stars for a bit, had a few drinks and hit the hay.

Today, I'll be heading over to the Railyard to get up high and stiltwalk around for a couple hours to entertain the kiddies for Father's Day. Hopefully they enjoy it.

Swim, Climb, Eat

Yesterday I went to a pool in Santa Fe for the first time. I was excited to be able to cool off and to liberate myself from the usual gravitational/non-buoyant state. The pool at Bicentennial was, however, not ideal. It was a pool, though only 5' deep at its deepest. It was nice to swim around. Soon after I got there, Avery arrived with her son and played in the warmer-than-the-adult-pool tot pool, which was a little concerning. It was indeed quite a cool off, almost too much. But, we couldn't stay long because we had training to get to at 5:30pm.

It was an aerial silk day for me and all of the fabric folk were supposed to show their routine or as much of it as they had. I felt really good about mine and got some very positive feedback, though I do still need to work on my interaction with the audience and "transformation", which is hard because when I climb I like to be internal and focused on what I'm doing, not on the crowd. But, it will be a good thing for me to work on and get better at.

Afterward, Randi and her boyfriend took me out to a nice salad place for dinner and then we attempted to work out some of our acro routine, but didn't do too much on account of our full stomachs and that I was going to meet a friend, Rob, for a drink at 10pm.

I met Rob and his friend Morgan at one of the only bars I've been to in Santa Fe, and the one that I've always met Rob (and Tim and Monica and Kerry) at before. We chatted for about an hour and then all took off to get home so we could get up early. This morning the house was showing at 9am, which realistically isn't too early, but I hadn't even been awake at 9am for several days, so it was a stretch. Randi, her boyfriend and I got up, did a quick clean and went out for some fabulous breakfast at this great little French bakery and cafe. Amazing. I will definitely have to go back for more croissants.

Now, I'm about to head out to Wise Fool for some open training and then head over to La Boca for a few hours of work before I have to be back at Wise Fool for acrobatics. Life is good.

Movie Night and a Gig!

Movie nights are back! I (mostly) remembered the way to Tim's house and met a bunch of his new friends - all the ones we shared movie nights with before were unable to attend... mostly because two of the three of them live out of state now.

We watched Dead Poets Society and somehow made it funny throughout. Beer helps. We watched the pilot episode of MacGyver afterward, which was cool because despite having suffered through the entirety of the MacGruber movie I had never seen its inspiration.

It was great to see Tim again after so long and he offered me a place to stay if I need it. At this point I don't, but since Randi's boyfriend is back, they might want some space soon.

In other news... I got a circus gig! Not just BUST, which I actually pay to perform in, but a gig that pays me! On the 26th I'll be stilt walking, blowing bubbles, and playing with kids who are up for adoption to give them a good time and show them that people care... AND I'm getting paid to do it! Crazy! The contract says $128 for the hour and a half. If only you could book multiple shows per day, then you could really make circus pay. I guess it's an option...

Monday Monsters and Tuesday Teachings

Monday morning I got up as usual, made breakfast, got ready and started my day. I got on my bike and decided to try and pump up the back tire a bit, but with my crappy pump it only made the tire flatter. Disgruntled, I put my bike in the garage and went out and started my car. I headed out for groceries and to meet friends by the plaza... But there was one key thing I forgot: to put the dogs out.

I had been out for over an hour when I suddenly realized, the dogs were still inside. I rushed back to my car hoping I would get back before any damage had been done. When I pulled up, my host was already back. I walked in to see her on the stairs with a vacuum and I knew immediately the monsters had made a mess. They had gotten into my room, torn up and mostly eaten a bag of peanuts, and somehow broke open a bottle of gatorade in the living room.

She was very sweet and just asked me to remember to put them out next time. Oh, I will.

That night I finally decided on the music for my aerial fabric routine (Blinding by Florence and the Machine) and got some good feedback on where the choreography was going. After training, I headed over to Leslie and Bob's place for dinner and games. It was delicious as always. They really can cook something awesome with whatever is around the house. We ate and drank and made merry until almost everyone got sleepy and then James and I made merry some more with another beer and a game of Cribbage. I won, hard.

The next day, I started working for La Boca, entering data and running errands. I thought I would need to start this fairly early, so I hadn't intended to go to Open Studio; however, I realized that Open Studio was fairly early too, so I went and really solidified some good stuff for my routine. The job at La Boca was easy and took way less time than anticipated, but I made $20 for my two hours, so I was content.

A few days before, I had gone looking into Vipassana in Santa Fe and found that Tuesday nights there were 45 min meditations followed by a lecture, so I decided to take this evening and find out what it was all about. Despite leaving early, I was still a few minutes late due to google maps being stupid and me doubting myself. But, I got there and crept in quietly for the majority of the meditation. The lecture was good it was all about antidotes to the detrimental mind-states: desire, aversion, sloth/torpor, and doubt (there was another one, but I can't remember it right now!). Doubt was the last one and for the others, I kept thinking, "oh yeah, this is good, I will use this a lot because I get in this mind-state sometimes." When he talked about doubt, my mental jaw dropped, "Oh $#!^, doubt is how I live my life." And, the antidote to doubt? Investigating and discovering for oneself what is truly wholesome and unwholesome, and skillful and unskillful. Well, that's a pretty tall order for someone who is ALREADY DOUBTING! I wanted to ask him how we are supposed to know what is wholesome and unwholesome when we are already doubting so much, but I had a brief moment of clarity where I felt it would be okay and I would be able to clear my mind and trust myself and just do it. As the lecture ended though, I doubted that ability again. Sigh. I guess I get to meditate on this and on letting my true self show itself and being receptive to what it shows.

I was reminded of something that a very close friend/love of mine said to me, "Don't ever doubt yourself." I'm certainly not to the "ever" part yet, but I'm getting better every day.

Abiquiu Encore

Today was a magical day that involved an hour-long road trip up to Abiquiu. This year, however, I and one of my wonderful passengers had been to the jumping rocks before, so we had no trouble finding them.

The afternoon started with the requisite sunscreen and hydration for the events to come. Bob and James jumped off the high rocks right away, but Leslie and I waited for our sunscreen to soak in. When we got up there, one guy was trying to build up his nerve for the jump and decided it would be better if we all chanted his name. So we all started chanting, "Brian, Brian, Brian!" louder and faster, but as the peak came, he did not jump. And as the peak faded, he did not jump. I got a little bored and took the opportunity to jump myself when he backed away to sit down. Leslie took a little convincing the first time. I waited for her in the water, but got too cold (it's still snow melt you know!). I joined them at the top again just in time to see her jump. We then played in the water, ate snacks, took pictures and laughed. Leslie and I jumped in off a low rock to swim around and cool off and again, Brian was at the top trying to gather his courage. People were counting down, shouting his name, offering hims goods, etc. Finally I shouted, "I'll show you my boobs!" Everyone cheered. Other ladies in the water volunteered too. Finally Brian had the motivation he needed. He jumped and we tossed off our tops. Everyone was glad to see us. Brian thanked us because our kind act made everyone happy about his jump instead of mad that it took him so long. Leslie and I enjoyed some time swimming and sunning topless, but soon it was time to pack up and take a final dip to cool off before hiking back to the car.

We were all a little sleepy on the drive home, but we got back safely and uneventfully. At home Leslie and Bod cooked a killer dinner for us and we chowed down enjoying freshly cooked corn tortillas, scrambled eggs with veggies, tumeric rice and sweet potatoes. We collaborated to finish off a box of wine and enjoyed the evening as Bob played songs and we all helped him write new verses. Leslie's friend Sam joined us for some merriment, but soon after it was time for me to return to the big queen size bed in the AC house with internet to type this message, eat some ice cream, shower and go to bed.

It was a beautiful day with beautiful people. Only one of many to come.